Gigs that'll wreck your eardrums (in a good way) – my London venue run-down

Right bruv, between ramen runs and King's deadlines I still find time to queue outside a sweaty venue for a band nobody's heard of yet. This is my proper list of London spots where the sound's loud, the crowd's up for it, and you might just catch the next big thing before your mates do. South London bias, no apologies, innit.